


The wolf, nature's greatest predator

by 1000lux



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Frozen (US 2010)
Genre: Gen, Mountain Trip, Parody, Skiing, Wolves, slight gore, survival movie parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-06-24 12:02:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1000lux/pseuds/1000lux
Summary: Just a short, fun piece that came to my mind after I'd watched the movie, about how things would have gone if it'd been the 99 trapped in the ski lift.





	The wolf, nature's greatest predator

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own rights to either the movie nor the tv show, or either of it's characters.

Saturday 9:20 PM

The ski lift stopped. Around them the sun was going down. One by one the lights went out.

"Hitchcock and Scully were supposed to tell that guy that we're still up here." Amy said.

"Oh, you poor fools," Gina exlaimed. "There's a hot-dog stall down there. They could be anywhere by now!"

"Yeah," Jake agreed. "But most likely they're still at the hot-dog stall."

"Oh, God! We're going to die! The only thing more remarkable than the Northern lights is going out." Gina clung to Terry's arm.

Rosa and Holt said quietly beside each other in their wagon. 

"This should be fine," Rosa said. "This is my winter leather jacket."

"I agree," Holt stated. "My hypo-thermal clothing and the this mini-inflatable sleeping bag can withstand temperaturs up to -50° C. And this package of well-picked nutritions will sustain me for seven days. I was preparing for an avalanche and having to spend days trapped under metres of snow. That's why I also brought this head-lamp and a book."

"Don't worry, Amy," Jake took her hand across Charles' lap. "I'm not going to let you die."

"I'm not worried, Jake. We've been up here for two minutes. Why would I– Oh my God! Jake! Why on earth did you jump?! Are you okay?!"

"Whoopsie-daisy, open-leg fraaactuuure!"

"Jake, we, we'll get help– No, Charles! You're not going to jump too!" Amy grabbed Charles.

Meanwhile Jake was staring at his leg with curiosity. "Oh my gosh, my bones are so much whiter than my teeth. Is that normal?"

"I'm sorry, Jake," Amy said earnestly. "But there's nothing normal about your body– Don't make me insult just before your death! Why would you do that to me?!"

"He's not dying!" Charles yelled. "You're not dying, Jake!"

"Yep!" Jake replied. "Okay. Oh my God, I haven't been in that much pain since my dual open leg-fracture in eighth grade after I jumped out of the window."

"Why would you jump out a window?!" Amy yelled. "No, nevermind."

Jake looked elsewhere meanwhile, smiling. "Oh, these dogs look friendly."

"Those aren't dogs, Jake! Those are wolves!"

"Don't worry." Gina now called from her own seat. "I got this. The wolf is my spiritual animal. Hold up, proud animals! Obey your queen!– Alright, I tried."

"Rosa, don't you have your throwing knifes?" Amy asked.

"Doesn't seem right." Rosa said with a frown. "They only have their teeth. I got teeth too."

"No rush, guys!" Jake called up to them. "I threw up on myself and I only drank blue soda all day, and now the wolves seem kinda scared of me."

"Don't worry, Jakey!" Charles now called. "The mountain hunters in these regions used these kind of whistles to mimick the mating call of the female wolf and attract the wolves." He started whistling.

"Why would we want to attract the wolves?!" Amy asked.

Suddenly Terry spoke. "This is it. Jake, I'm getting you."

"Don't you dare, Terry Jeffords!" Gina clung to him with her whole body weight. "Now that I've lost the only man in my life, you're supposed to marry me!"

"I'm still right here, Gina." Jake called up. "And I'm the only man in Amy's life, not yours. At least I hope I'm the only one."

While he still spoke, Terry had shaken off Gina and jumped out of his carriage.

"Terry! Oh my God, are you okay?! Watch out for the wolves– Nevermind."

"Sorry, wolves. Terry loves nature and Terry loves wildlife. But Terry loves his friends more. Come on, little guy." He threw Jake over his shoulder, running down the mountain with him.

 

Saturday 9:48 PM

Later at the foot of the mountain.

Gina pulled out her satellite phone. "News-blast to all my fans, I have now surpassed my spiritual animal the wolf and will furthermore be known as the snow queen!"

"This was productive." Holt stated. "I've finished my entire book."

"Great team-bonding event, Captain." Rosa said. "We gotta do this again. Reminds me of that time Adrien and I rented that cabin in the mountains. And then the heating went out and the only phone mast around was hit by a lightning, crashed on the cabin and set it on fire. We spent 3 days hiking back into town, during a blizzard. We had to hunt a mountain lion and curl up in it's still warm body, so Adrien wouldn't lose any toes. So romantic."

"Guys," Hitchcock exclaimed. "what are you already doing here? We're still in line for the hotdogs."


End file.
